Tales from the After, Life: Kevin

Three weeks down, three weeks to go for After, Life, which has run quite successfully so far. Thanks to everyone who’s come to watch and if you haven’t, you’ll enjoy it. Saturdays, 8pm, Apollo Studio, through May 1.

Through the end of the run, we’ve got something special just for you wise visitors to the 3LR web site: We’ve managed to get some exclusive dispatches from beyond the grave. Today Kevin, a car crash victim/cause and one of the newest denizens of the graveyard, speaks.

Do you realize what a big deal a job at Google is? It’s not like they take everyone who walks in the door. There’s actually a really complex algorithm that you have to follow to realize the exact ratio of new hires to applicants. It involves factorials and partial derivatives and there’s this entire section to it that isn’t actually referred to anywhere else, but it sure looks complicated, with a bunch of letters that look Greek but aren’t. That’s the kind of place Google is. I would have really fit in there.

But that’s all down the crapper, thanks to this frickin’ car crash.

A lot of people say you shouldn’t get bitter about things, that you should just accept life as it rolls. I say, screw that. Being bitter is the only thing that keeps me alive. Well, dead. Whatever.

Do you know what people do to pass the time in the afterlife? They’ve made up a game out of ripping the hair out of people’s heads. Seriously. Haven’t they heard of Sudoku?

Except the priest. Ex-priest. He just hits me.

So take my lesson: Don’t die. It’s less fun than you might think.

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One Response to “Tales from the After, Life: Kevin”

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