Tales from the After, Life: Michelle

Two more performances of After, Life: Saturdays at 8pm through May 1 at the Apollo Studio.

Today’s dispatch from beyond the grave comes from Michelle, who hit or was hit by Kevin in that car crash.

So there I was, all ready to pee on a stick… okay, twelve sticks… and that was going to give me the happiest news of my life. And then, my life ends. Way to go, huh?

My sister is in the exact same graveyard as I am. That’s about the only good thing about all of this. I mean, not that there’s usually a whole lot of good things about dying, but… you know what I mean. And frankly, all she really did was start hitting me. And pulling my hair.

This has absolutely been the worst week of my life. Death. Whatever.

I don’t think there’s anyone I like here. Maybe Ann. She was nice. Not much help, but nice. I guess. At least she didn’t hit me, or rip my hair out, or call me a chimp or scream at me.

Next time I die, I’m going to ask for a graveyard with a whole bunch of babies who I can raise and love as my own. That’s what the afterlife should be: A place where you can give what you really really want to give, to people who really really need it.

It’s all very confusing.

Tales from the After, Life: Kevin

Three weeks down, three weeks to go for After, Life, which has run quite successfully so far. Thanks to everyone who’s come to watch and if you haven’t, you’ll enjoy it. Saturdays, 8pm, Apollo Studio, through May 1.

Through the end of the run, we’ve got something special just for you wise visitors to the 3LR web site: We’ve managed to get some exclusive dispatches from beyond the grave. Today Kevin, a car crash victim/cause and one of the newest denizens of the graveyard, speaks.

Do you realize what a big deal a job at Google is? It’s not like they take everyone who walks in the door. There’s actually a really complex algorithm that you have to follow to realize the exact ratio of new hires to applicants. It involves factorials and partial derivatives and there’s this entire section to it that isn’t actually referred to anywhere else, but it sure looks complicated, with a bunch of letters that look Greek but aren’t. That’s the kind of place Google is. I would have really fit in there.

But that’s all down the crapper, thanks to this frickin’ car crash.

A lot of people say you shouldn’t get bitter about things, that you should just accept life as it rolls. I say, screw that. Being bitter is the only thing that keeps me alive. Well, dead. Whatever.

Do you know what people do to pass the time in the afterlife? They’ve made up a game out of ripping the hair out of people’s heads. Seriously. Haven’t they heard of Sudoku?

Except the priest. Ex-priest. He just hits me.

So take my lesson: Don’t die. It’s less fun than you might think.

After, Life photos

These aren’t strictly new, but I’ve been a bit derelict in my website maintaining duties so they’re new here: photos from After, Life. I think they capture some of the show’s joie de vivre. See the Pictures page for more and the Three Legged Race Facebook group for even more.

These two are having a discussion like rational adults. I swear.

Sometimes, you just have to rip hairs out of people's head and count how many of them there are.

If you don't trust me, trust the Gorton's fisherman. This show is great!